Rambling Review: Time is Running Out

by ghostza | September 15, 2016 3:06 pm

Welcome back true believers, to another edition of the Rambling Review. Right here on ghostza.co.za

Today you will get further down the winding road that will take us to Secret Wars (2015).
We will be covering the first part the “Time Runs Out” story arc which is a little slow to start with but is setting the scene for one of the biggest finales ever put on page.

Before we get started with this there are a few things that need to be known.
The story skips forward 8 months in the continuity (This is not me skipping things this really happens) and the following has happened. I will include the comics that need to be read to get more detail on these events.

1) Steve Rogers has grown old and had the super soldier serum in his body neutralized. ( Captain America Vol 7 #22) and is obsessed with bringing down the Illuminati.(Because he is old and they were playing on his lawn)

2) Tony Stark is missing and the Illuminati are on the run.

3) The Avengers have split and there are now two (Soon to be Three) teams. One is headed by the old man Steve Rodgers and is under the Authority of S.H.I.E.L.D and another group who is led by a character called Sunspot and are the A.I.M Avengers.

4) Sunspot (Who is a media mogul as a day job) buys A.I.M and Renames them Avengers Ideas Mechanics and is using all their (FORMALLY EVIL) super science genius people to find a way to battle the incursions (Avengers World #17-19)

5) Thor is no longer worthy (Original Sin #7) has an Urhu arm now brandishes an Axe called Jarnbjorn (Thor Vol 4 #1) and is referred to as Odinson because Thor is now a woman (Thor Vol4 #1). Also he has since grown an EPIC BEARD.

6) Hyperion (Basically Superman) has joined the A.I.M Avengers and has adopted the Children of the Sun (A race of humanoid creatures created by Ex Nihilo in his attempt to evolve Earth )[Avengers Vol. 5 #4, 12-13] and has also grown an epic beard too as he and Odinson are now EPIC BEARD BROTHERS!!!!! (TOO…..MUCH…MANLINESS…THE SHIP CAN’T TAKE IT!!!!!)

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7) Bruce Banner has injected himself with a modified version Extremis Virus and has become Doc Green (Original Sin 3.1-3.4), all of the Hulk’s power with all of Banner’s intellect.

8) Namor has lost control of the Cabal and before destroying planets they go on MURDEROUS RAMPAGES and is feeling very bad about this because Thanos gave him an ass kicking after he got out of line. [Because he is Aquaman and Aquaman is a B*&%$] (Avengers World # 21)

Let’s get stuck into this.

The following events take place during Avengers Vol 5 #35-37 and New Avengers Vol 3 #24 and 25 (Start with Avengers 35 and alternate with New Avengers)

As mentioned the story has jumped 8 months ahead. We start with a group of Ex Nihili (That’s the plural of Ex Nihilo….I looked it up) are attempting to prevent a Sun from going supernova and destroying a galaxy….they fail. And Are joined by their sister (Well the one from Earth 616 sister) Abyss who explains that despite all their efforts, universes are dying and the source of all this mayhem is (SURPRISE SURPRISE) Earth. They all leave to investigate. (Avengers Vol 5 #35)

Meanwhile Starbrand (former college student now blessed with cosmic powers) and Nightmask (artificial human created by Ex Nihilo on mars with cosmic powers and Benjamin Buttons disease) are battling an Aleph (Drones created to eradicate any form of life that didn’t meet the Builders ideals of what the Universe should be). They defeat it and learn that a Builders ship has been destroyed while trying to cross into the 616 universe from the Bleed (the point where two parallel universes blend together to form a neutral zone of nothingness that leads to other parallel universes) and realise they were running from something (The destruction of their universe) the two of them leave for Earth to tell their Avengers team of choice. (A.I.M Avengers). (Avengers Vol 5 #35)
In New York City, Amadeus Cho (Teenage Super Genius who is the 7th,8th or 10th smartest person in the world depending on if you ask Reed Richards, Hank Pym or Bruce Banner) breaking into the former Avengers Tower (Formerly Stark Tower) now S.H.E.I.L.D station Golgotha and is hacking their computer systems and transferring data to the Illuminati. The transfer is successful, however he is captured by the S.H.E.I.L.D Avengers and taken in for questioning after attempting to escape. (Avengers Vol 5 #35)

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Aqua….Namor (Speedo Aquaman) is having dinner with Doctor Doom and requests his help in getting the Cabal under control as well as assisting with the incursions. Doom tells him to get stuffed because he doesn’t appreciate being a backup plan (And because he doesn’t trust anyone who walks around in a speedo all day, I mean would you guys?). Unbeknownst to EVERYBODY Doom has been working on the incursions all along and has decided to smite whomever it is that is responsible for them with the help (Using that word loosely) of the newly reformed (As in literally reformed physically) Molecule Man. (New Avengers Vol 3 #24)

The Fallen City of Wakanda has been raised to the ground. The Black Panthers (T’challa and his sister Shuri) are attempting to get to the stockpile of Antimatter Bombs that the Illuminati built (Read last week’s review) before that Cabal can get their hands on it. Well they are too late. One of the no named footsoldiers of Wakanda decides to become a suicide bomber (Like that has ever worked against super powered individuals). The Black Panthers escape and T’challa decides to meet up with the Illuminati while Suri has decided to stay and fight. They say their goodbyes. (New Avengers Vol3 #24)

In the Savage Land A.I.M have built a device that can send a team across the Multiverse (Awesome name for a Beatles song I think). Upon arriving at their base sunspot is informed that the device is operational. After meeting with Starbrand and Nightmask to learn their news, and with Abyss and the Ex Nihili to garner their opinion, he puts together a team and sends them off into the multiverse, while he works on preventing S.H.E.I.L.D and the Illuminati from destroying one another. This new team is dubbed the “Multiversal Avengers”. (Avengers Vol 5 #36)

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We cut to an underground city (Which turns out to be underneath the city of Rome) and we see the various events from the perspective of the Illuminati (Cho sending info and being apprehended, T’challa saying he is coming in). Something interesting mentioned by Reed Richards is that his and Starks fathers both worked for a secret organisation and one of the purposes was “Assisting the orderly demise of the World”. (THOSE BASTARDS!!!!) We also learn that Captain Britain is the LAST ONE (As in there are no other Captain Britain’s left in any other Universe).
What Cho sent them was all of Tony Stark’s back-up data (Because even if Stark is missing at least they have his work…and it is a %$^& Load). They manage to find a way to use a chip that all the Illuminati have implanted which changes their brain wave patterns (Because S.H.E.I.L.D was using psy-ops to track them) as a spying device. Turning Cho into a living “bug” and they now have eyes and ears on S.H.E.I.L.D. Cho is interrogated by Sue Storm. As the finish decrypting Starks data T’challa tells them he is coming in via teleportation (Which S.H.E.I.L.D can track). T’challa tells them that Wakanda has fallen. And they prepare to move on to the next hideout. (New Avengers Vol 3 # 25)

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S.H.E.I.L.D now with a scent act quickly and without Government approval (Because Steve doesn’t believe in needing it since he is a pensioner and can get away with forgetting things). However the Illuminati are LOOOOONG gone and all that is left is a hologram of Beast and Doc Green playing chess while talking smack to the S.H.I.E.L.D Avengers basically telling them that they are predictable. Steve has a mini tantrum and smashes the hologram with his walking stick (That’ll show them Steve). Later we see Steve sitting and watching a UN speech and the speaker outing both the Illuminati and S.H.I.E.L.D for knowing about the Incursions and not allowing the public to decide (Because the Cabal went to the world leaders and told on them). We cut to a later speech and the public has spoken (Well the governments of the world more like it) and they have chosen the way of the Cabal (Our hero and Saviour THANOS ladies and Gentlemen).Steve is joined by Sue and they talk about Reed. Captain Marvel (B*&%$…oh that hasn’t happened yet???….uhm…nice pilot lady) comes in and briefs Steve on the latest happenings, how no one likes him and we learn that the attack on Wakanda was done with UN approval. But Steve doesn’t care he only wants news on the Illuminati. In an abandoned subway station Sue meets with Reed, revealing that she is a double agent (WHAT A TWIST) and hands him a note from his daughter Valarie that says “Dad, You can’t win, Time to start to figure out how not to lose” (Avengers Vol 5 #37)

That brings us to the end of this week’s Review.

What have we learned this week?? Well, beards are awesome!! Never wear a speedo to a dinner date. Doctor Doom is LEGIT angry at someone else causing doom. The Illuminati are smarty pantses. S.H.I.E.L.D. Avengers are gullible and NEVER trust the UN.

See you again next week

AUTHOR: Ricky Rhodes

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